In Praise of Failure, or the Story of My First Book
Credit: Patrick Tomasso
You could say Failure published my first book.
In the spring of 2023, I started sending out my painstakingly-crafted book proposal to various publishing houses and agents. By the summer, I was counting my progress by the mounting rejections, many of them tantalizingly positive: so close. Along with submitting my book proposal, I continued pitching articles in hopes of building my résumé. Seeing a response from a popular women’s ministry in my inbox, my heart leaped. But it was, once again, a rejection.
Another failure.
But the editor’s positive tone inspired me to ask her for other publications where I could send the piece, and she kindly responded with a long list, including the name of a small faith-based press. Learning about the press, I sensed an immediate kinship. The editor promptly published two of my essays, and I decided to take a deep breath and submit my book proposal, too.
Two months later, my heart stopped.
I’d received a response. Sipping a steadying breath of oxygen, I braced myself for another gut punch, another failure. I didn’t quite know what to do when I read the words, I’d love to offer you a book contract…My soul geysered in praise.
In Made for Goodness, Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu write about the “gift of failure.” The God whose ways are higher than ours has a different measure of success and failure than we humans (Is. 55:9). The Tutus write,
“Success and failure are often more a testament to our own arrogance. We think we know what our lives are meant to be. We believe we know how God must use us. We have a plan.”
Too often, I think I know my life’s plan better than God does. Originally, I thought having my piece published with a popular women’s ministry would have been the best option for my career, just as I would have published my book with one of my top publishers. But that rejection was an essential step in how God would unfold the story of my book, and my life. Now, I’m grateful for the gift of working with a Christ-centered publisher that aligns with my heart. God’s faithfulness in this step gives me faith to entrust future “failures” to Him.
Jesus knows all about failure. His own neighbors tried to push Him off a cliff (Luke 4:29). Most of the Israelites—His very people—rejected His message. His hand-chosen disciples didn’t understand Him—and fled at His midnight arrest (Mark 14:50). Even as Jesus entered Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, His frond-waving fans cheered for the wrong reasons (Matthew 21). And less than a week later, the jubilation deformed into vitriol. Those Jesus loved, longed to gather like a mother hen gathers her chicks, clamored for His crucifixion—and He died (Luke 23:21, Matthew 27:50). Naysayers sneered: the One who claimed to save others couldn’t save himself (Matthew 27:42).
But after three days, this God-Man breathed again. His disciples wore crowns of flame and spoke in languages they did not know and burst open the doors of their dark room to share a story that would literally alter time (Acts 2).
Jesus, the great failure who buried His life like a seed in the dirt, now breathes verdant life into billions of His followers around the world. What seemed like a cosmic flop metamorphosed into redemption for the entire universe.
Looking at Jesus’s example gives me hope. Even if my worst fears are realized, I can be at peace, entrusting to God the definitions of success and failure. Above all else, God calls me to nestle into His arms, finding my pleasure and sustenance, indeed everything, in Him (Matthew 6:33, Psalm 37:4). And then to respond with obedience to the Spirit’s nudges that arise from within that circle of divine intimacy. As I complete the good works God has for me, I am free to abandon, utterly, the results of my imperfect obedience to a holy, redeeming God.
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This series is inspired by my upcoming book In Praise of Houseflies: Meditations on the Gifts in Everyday Quandaries (Calla Press) now available for purchase. Click here to join my e-letter for more quiet reflections, book updates, and a few of my favorite things!
